When You Know What to Do But Can’t Make Yourself Do It: Understanding Executive Function Breakdowns

The Phone Battery Scenario: A Perfect Example

You know you need to charge your phone before going out for a long day. You’ve been reminded multiple times. You understand the consequences - your phone will die, you’ll be disconnected, maybe even in trouble or unsafe. Yet somehow, you walk out the door with a 15% battery.

Your parents are frustrated because from their perspective, this is simple: “Just plug in your phone!” They’ve told you dozens of times. They don’t understand why you keep “choosing” to ignore something so obvious.

But here’s the truth: this isn’t about not caring, being lazy, or deliberately ignoring good advice. This is about executive function - the brain systems that translate “knowing what to do” into “actually doing it.”

What’s Really Happening: The Knowing-Doing Gap

Your brain has different systems that handle different jobs:

The Knowledge System: Stores information about what you should do

• “Phones need to be charged”
• “Low battery means problems later”
• “Parents get upset when I forget”

The Executive Function System: Actually manages the doing

• Remembering to act on the knowledge at the right moment
• Switching from your current activity to the charging task
• Estimating how long charging will take
• Integrating the charging task into your departure routine

The gap: You can have perfect knowledge but impaired executive function. It’s like having a brilliant advisor who knows exactly what to do, but a broken communication system between the advisor and the person who actually carries out the tasks.

Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work: The Hidden Complexity

What looks like one simple task - “charge your phone” - actually requires multiple executive function skills working together:

Task Initiation (Getting Started)

• Breaking away from your current activity (scrolling, getting dressed, eating breakfast)
• Switching mental gears from “current thing” to “phone charging thing”
• Overcoming the invisible resistance to starting a new task

Working Memory (Holding Multiple Things in Mind)

• Remembering you need to charge the phone while also thinking about getting ready, what you need to bring, what time you need to leave
• Keeping track of where your charger is
• Remembering how long charging usually takes

Time Management (Planning and Estimation)

• Estimating how long you have before leaving
• Calculating whether there’s enough time for meaningful charging
• Planning when to unplug the phone and pack it

Task Switching (Moving Between Activities)

• Stopping what you’re doing to plug in the phone
• Remembering to check on it later
• Switching back to finish getting ready

Impulse Control and Delay of Gratification

• Choosing the boring task (charging) over the interesting task (whatever you’re currently doing)
• Waiting for the phone to charge instead of just leaving with whatever battery you have

When any of these systems is struggling, the whole process breaks down, even though you “know” what to do.

Why Some Brains Struggle More

ADHD Brains

• Difficulty with task initiation (“I’ll do it in a minute” becomes an hour)
• Working memory challenges (forget about the phone while focusing on other morning tasks)
• Time blindness (poor estimation of how long things take)
• Hyperfocus (get absorbed in something else and lose awareness of time/tasks)

Autistic Brains

• Difficulty with task switching (breaking away from current activity feels jarring)
• Executive function can be depleted by other demands (social masking, sensory processing)
• May need more explicit routines and systems to remember multi-step processes
• Can struggle with prioritizing when multiple tasks seem equally important

AuDHD Brains (Autism + ADHD)

• The Double Bind: ADHD creates need for flexibility and novelty, autism creates need for routine and predictability
• Competing executive function demands: ADHD says “switch tasks for stimulation,” autism says “don’t break the routine”
• Energy drain conflicts: Social masking (autism) depletes the energy needed for task initiation (ADHD)
• Hyperfocus vs routine rigidity: Can get stuck in autism routine OR ADHD hyperfocus, both preventing phone charging
• Sensory overload affecting working memory: Autism sensory issues make ADHD working memory problems worse
• The system that worked yesterday might not work today: Need multiple backup systems because brain state varies dramatically

Anxious Brains

• May avoid the task because thinking about consequences creates anxiety
• Can get stuck in analysis paralysis about the “perfect” time to charge
• May procrastinate on tasks associated with previous conflicts or stress

Gifted/High IQ Brains

• May rely too heavily on being able to figure things out on the spot rather than building consistent systems
• Can underestimate how much executive function is required for “simple” tasks
• May have uneven development where intellectual abilities outpace executive function skills

All Developing Brains

• Executive function develops slowly and isn’t fully mature until mid-twenties
• Can be inconsistent - working fine one day, completely breaking down the next
• Stress, fatigue, and competing demands make it worse

The Parent Frustration Cycle

From a parent’s perspective, this pattern is maddening:

1. They see the logic clearly: “Phone needs charging. We’re going out. Charge the phone.”
2. They assume understanding equals ability: “If you understand why it’s important, you should be able to do it.”
3. They interpret forgetting as defiance: “I’ve told you this 50 times. You’re choosing to ignore me.”
4. They escalate consequences: “Maybe getting in trouble will make you remember.”
5. Nothing changes, frustration increases: “Why is this so hard? It’s just plugging in a phone!”

The parent is trying to solve an executive function problem with logic and consequences, which is like trying to fix a broken arm with a math lesson.

Working Solutions: Building Systems That Actually Help

Environmental Design (Make It Easier)

Reduce the executive function load:

• Keep chargers in obvious places (by the door, with your keys)
• Use wireless charging pads that require less precise plugging-in
• Set up charging stations in high-traffic areas
• Keep a portable battery pack as backup

Visual/Physical reminders:

• Put your charger with tomorrow’s clothes the night before
• Set phone on charger as part of bedtime routine
• Use a charging checklist stuck to your mirror or door

Routine Integration (Attach to Existing Habits)

Instead of remembering a separate “charge phone” task, attach it to something you already do consistently:

• Night before: “When I set my morning alarm, I put my phone on the charger”
• Morning routine: “When I brush my teeth, my phone goes on charger”
• Departure routine: “Before I put on shoes, I check my phone battery”

Technology Assists

Phone settings:

• Low battery notifications at 30% and 20%
• Automatic “charge reminder” alarms the night before big days
• Widget showing battery percentage on home screen

Smart home solutions:

• Smart plugs that can be voice-activated
• Charging pads with lights/sounds that indicate charging status

Time and Energy Management

Recognize when executive function is depleted:

• Mornings after poor sleep
• During stressful periods
• When rushing or running late
• When managing multiple new or complex tasks

Plan accordingly:

• Charge phone the night before during high-stress periods
• Use backup battery packs when you know you’ll be scattered
• Ask for help or reminders when you’re overwhelmed

Communication Strategies with Parents

Help them understand the real problem:

• “I know I should charge my phone. The hard part isn’t understanding - it’s remembering to do it when I’m thinking about 10 other things.”
• “My brain is good at learning information but not as good at managing all the steps to act on it.”
• “When I forget, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because my executive function is overwhelmed.”

Ask for specific help:

• “Can you help me figure out a system instead of just reminding me again?”
• “I need to build this into a routine. Can we brainstorm how?”
• “The nagging makes me feel worse but doesn’t actually help me remember. Can we try a different approach?”

Self-Compassion and Perspective

This is a skill deficit, not a character flaw:

• You’re not lazy, defiant, or uncaring
• Executive function develops at different rates for different people
• Having to build systems for things others do automatically doesn’t make you broken

Progress over perfection:

• Focus on improving the pattern rather than never forgetting
• Celebrate when your systems work, even if they don’t work every time
• Adjust systems when they stop working rather than abandoning them entirely

Advanced Strategies for Persistent Problems

The Implementation Intention Technique

Instead of vague intentions like “I need to charge my phone,” create specific if-then plans:

• “If I’m getting ready to go out for more than 4 hours, then I check my battery first”
• “If my battery is below 50% and I’m leaving soon, then I plug it in immediately”
• “If I’m setting my alarm before bed, then I put my phone on the charger”

The Two-Phone System

For chronically forgetful phone chargers:

• Keep an older phone as backup, always charged
• Use a portable battery pack as your “second phone battery”
• Family emergency phone that stays charged in the car

The Energy Audit

Track when you’re most likely to forget:

• Time of day (rushed mornings? tired evenings?)
• Stress levels (exams, family conflicts, social events?)
• Competing demands (getting ready for important events?)

Use this data to build targeted interventions for your high-risk situations.

Working with Different Brain Types

For ADHD brains:

• Use timers and alarms extensively
• Build in extra buffer time for charging
• Create dopamine rewards for successful charging (favorite music while phone charges)

For AuDHD brains:

• Build multiple backup systems since brain state varies dramatically
• Create “interrupt protocols” for when hyperfocus prevents task switching
• Use body doubling or timers to bridge the gap between rigid routine and ADHD flexibility needs
• Accept that systems may need frequent adjustment as competing needs shift

For anxious brains:

• Address the anxiety around conflict rather than just the charging
• Practice self-forgiveness when you forget
• Create backup plans that reduce stakes

For Parents: How to Actually Help

Instead of: “Just remember to charge your phone!”

Try: “Let’s figure out a system that makes this automatic for you.”

Instead of: “You’re old enough to remember this!”

Try: “Your brain is still developing the skills to manage multiple tasks. Let’s work with how it actually works right now.”

Instead of: “Why is this so hard for you?”

Try: “This seems to be a challenging area for your brain. What kind of support would help?”

Instead of: Consequences and punishments

Try: Environmental changes and system-building

Remember:

• Executive function challenges are real neurological differences, not character flaws
• Punishment and frustration don’t improve executive function
• Systems and supports do improve executive function
• This gets better with time, practice, and appropriate accommodations

The Bigger Picture

The phone charging problem is rarely about phone charging. It’s about learning to work with your actual brain rather than the brain you think you should have.

Skills you’re really building:

• Self-awareness about your executive function patterns
• System creation and problem-solving
• Self-advocacy in relationships
• Resilience when systems break down
• Self-compassion during the learning process

These skills will serve you in every area of life - work, relationships, health, creative projects. Learning to manage your executive function challenges now builds the foundation for success in much bigger challenges later.

Remember: Needing systems and supports doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human, with a particular kind of brain that works best with particular kinds of help.